Dear Grandma,
You have been and always will be SO loved by everyone who knew you. Saying goodbye to you is not an easy thing to do but imagining you in a peaceful place, playing cards with Grandpa, gossiping over coffee with Lilly Albers, and laughing your hearty laugh brings a smile to my face. You have lived an amazingly long and extraordinary life, Grandma.
I’m saying goodbye to you in a letter because I couldn't be there in person to give you a final hug and kiss, but I know you understand. You have always been supportive of those you love and never judgmental about anyone’s choices. Your hugs and smiles showed all of us how to love unconditionally. Your eight children, 32 grandchildren and who-knows-how-many great grandchildren have an incredible legacy leading the way through our lives.
Little Josie, appropriately named Josephine in your honor, will hear endless stories about her great-grandma! She is a cat lover like you, loves to laugh from her belly like you and already draws in friends with her jovial personality, just like you. When I think of your life on the farm and how hard you have always worked I am in awe of how you always had time for the little things that proved to be life lessons for me.
Grandpa didn’t like the sparrows living in his martin house so he would have a regular “nest cleaning” and tossed the baby sparrows to the side of the lane to die. Being young and naïve and not understanding how the sparrows could harm his crops, I gathered up the baby birds and brought them to you so you could save them. I can still smell the lard crinkling in the skillet as you tried to prepare dinner, see the dishes stacked by the sink waiting to be washed, and vegetables waiting to be cleaned for canning and yet you would stop everything to help me make a warm, homemade nest for the pesky baby sparrows and then you’d show me how to drop water in their mouths. All the while, you knew those sparrows would die and our efforts to save them would be wasted but you showed me that taking the time to heal my broken heart was more important than the chores you needed to finish. I hope that I remember those lessons all of Josie’s life and I hope I model that compassion for her daily.
Some of my favorite memories are the times when I got to spend vacations with you on the farm. You completely indulged your grandchildren by allowing us to sleep in late, run and play when there was plenty of work to do, feeding us our favorite cinnamon rolls, homemade French fries, Big Red floats, and the best apple or cherry pies in the world! Each night after we played hard and ate ourselves silly, you would help us get ready for bed and rub our backs and listen to us tell you about our adventures with the happiest grin on your face! We would then beg to play cards with you and Grandpa and you would play whatever kind of cards we were old enough to understand: Crazy Eights, Spoons, Kings in the Corner, Gin Rummy, Euchre, or maybe even Pinochle. As we got older we tried to slam our cards on the table as hard as Grandpa could just to see you smile. Whenever you thought Grandpa was being too competitive, you’d give him the old, “Awk, come on now, Daddy.” I’d give anything to sit at that table with you and Grandpa and play one more hand of cards.
These last few years of watching your mind and body slip away have been difficult for those who love you. Seeing you trapped in a body that wouldn’t let you laugh or hug us has been uncomfortable for us. We could see that glimmer of a smile and we have wondered if you knew we were with you. You still managed to giggle now and then and you would look into our eyes and give us some hope that you might understand what we wanted to share with you but we always left feeling sad that your mind and body weren’t free to communicate with us. Your words have sustained me for the last several years and will help me through this final goodbye on Earth.
Shortly before you had to go live in the nursing home to receive the care you needed, I was lucky enough to help you pick and pit cherries one last time. I called you from Columbus to tell you I was on my way and you sounded upbeat and happy that I was going to spend a few days with you. When I arrived, you were busy pitting cherries at the kitchen table and looked up at me as if you were confused about my being there. After saying hello and giving you a hug, I could tell that you still weren’t sure who I was. I sat with you and held your hands and said, “Grandma, I’m Lori. I called you this morning from Columbus to tell you I was on my way to help with cherries, remember?” You squeezed my hands and put your arms around me to give me a big hug but you had a sad look on your face. When you finished hugging me tight, you put your hands on my cheeks and looked right into my eyes and said, “Honey, I might not always know who you are, but I will always love you.” I hear your voice in my head and I know that you still love each one of us. You knew just what to say to help me get through those years of seeing you drift away from all of us.
I'd like to believe that your body is now free and your mind alert. I envision you as our guardian angel, looking out for each one of us. As Josie grows up and hears stories about her great-grandma, Josephine, I know she will feel proud to carry your name. She is a lucky little girl to have pieces of your personality growing inside of her!
Grandma, I can hear you laughing and I can feel the warmth of your hug and the gentle scratch of your fingers on my back. You have had a wonderful life and you have shown your family so much love and compassion that I hope will continue to grow and expand in each of our families. I am so lucky to call you my Grandma and to have so many memories of you stored in my mind.
Sleep Tight. Don’t let the bed-bugs bite.
You have been and always will be SO loved by everyone who knew you. Saying goodbye to you is not an easy thing to do but imagining you in a peaceful place, playing cards with Grandpa, gossiping over coffee with Lilly Albers, and laughing your hearty laugh brings a smile to my face. You have lived an amazingly long and extraordinary life, Grandma.
I’m saying goodbye to you in a letter because I couldn't be there in person to give you a final hug and kiss, but I know you understand. You have always been supportive of those you love and never judgmental about anyone’s choices. Your hugs and smiles showed all of us how to love unconditionally. Your eight children, 32 grandchildren and who-knows-how-many great grandchildren have an incredible legacy leading the way through our lives.
Little Josie, appropriately named Josephine in your honor, will hear endless stories about her great-grandma! She is a cat lover like you, loves to laugh from her belly like you and already draws in friends with her jovial personality, just like you. When I think of your life on the farm and how hard you have always worked I am in awe of how you always had time for the little things that proved to be life lessons for me.
Grandpa didn’t like the sparrows living in his martin house so he would have a regular “nest cleaning” and tossed the baby sparrows to the side of the lane to die. Being young and naïve and not understanding how the sparrows could harm his crops, I gathered up the baby birds and brought them to you so you could save them. I can still smell the lard crinkling in the skillet as you tried to prepare dinner, see the dishes stacked by the sink waiting to be washed, and vegetables waiting to be cleaned for canning and yet you would stop everything to help me make a warm, homemade nest for the pesky baby sparrows and then you’d show me how to drop water in their mouths. All the while, you knew those sparrows would die and our efforts to save them would be wasted but you showed me that taking the time to heal my broken heart was more important than the chores you needed to finish. I hope that I remember those lessons all of Josie’s life and I hope I model that compassion for her daily.
Some of my favorite memories are the times when I got to spend vacations with you on the farm. You completely indulged your grandchildren by allowing us to sleep in late, run and play when there was plenty of work to do, feeding us our favorite cinnamon rolls, homemade French fries, Big Red floats, and the best apple or cherry pies in the world! Each night after we played hard and ate ourselves silly, you would help us get ready for bed and rub our backs and listen to us tell you about our adventures with the happiest grin on your face! We would then beg to play cards with you and Grandpa and you would play whatever kind of cards we were old enough to understand: Crazy Eights, Spoons, Kings in the Corner, Gin Rummy, Euchre, or maybe even Pinochle. As we got older we tried to slam our cards on the table as hard as Grandpa could just to see you smile. Whenever you thought Grandpa was being too competitive, you’d give him the old, “Awk, come on now, Daddy.” I’d give anything to sit at that table with you and Grandpa and play one more hand of cards.
These last few years of watching your mind and body slip away have been difficult for those who love you. Seeing you trapped in a body that wouldn’t let you laugh or hug us has been uncomfortable for us. We could see that glimmer of a smile and we have wondered if you knew we were with you. You still managed to giggle now and then and you would look into our eyes and give us some hope that you might understand what we wanted to share with you but we always left feeling sad that your mind and body weren’t free to communicate with us. Your words have sustained me for the last several years and will help me through this final goodbye on Earth.
Shortly before you had to go live in the nursing home to receive the care you needed, I was lucky enough to help you pick and pit cherries one last time. I called you from Columbus to tell you I was on my way and you sounded upbeat and happy that I was going to spend a few days with you. When I arrived, you were busy pitting cherries at the kitchen table and looked up at me as if you were confused about my being there. After saying hello and giving you a hug, I could tell that you still weren’t sure who I was. I sat with you and held your hands and said, “Grandma, I’m Lori. I called you this morning from Columbus to tell you I was on my way to help with cherries, remember?” You squeezed my hands and put your arms around me to give me a big hug but you had a sad look on your face. When you finished hugging me tight, you put your hands on my cheeks and looked right into my eyes and said, “Honey, I might not always know who you are, but I will always love you.” I hear your voice in my head and I know that you still love each one of us. You knew just what to say to help me get through those years of seeing you drift away from all of us.
I'd like to believe that your body is now free and your mind alert. I envision you as our guardian angel, looking out for each one of us. As Josie grows up and hears stories about her great-grandma, Josephine, I know she will feel proud to carry your name. She is a lucky little girl to have pieces of your personality growing inside of her!
Grandma, I can hear you laughing and I can feel the warmth of your hug and the gentle scratch of your fingers on my back. You have had a wonderful life and you have shown your family so much love and compassion that I hope will continue to grow and expand in each of our families. I am so lucky to call you my Grandma and to have so many memories of you stored in my mind.
Sleep Tight. Don’t let the bed-bugs bite.
Love You, Lori
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1 comment:
Your letter takes me places I sometimes fear to go- thank you for sharing something so meaningful and moving.
Josie is a lucky girl.
Thane
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