*%$# Fashion!

When you read the title of this blog, say it like it's a curse word because that's how I'm beginning to feel about being the mom of a Girly Girl. Those of you who know me well (and maybe acquaintances, too) know that I would never be referred to as a Girly Girl. Ever. Not in my childhood, adolescence, twenty-somethings, and definitely not in this post-40 phase of my life. I've never really liked dresses or make up or accessories and have never had a clue about what to do with my hair. I've had to force myself to try to be more feminine at various times in my life, but it definitely doesn't come naturally.

So, WHERE did Josie come from?

Manicures & Pedicures By Hannah

She's all about Girly Things: pink, lace, glitter, dresses, skirts, ballerinas and dress up (not to mention her obsession lately with 'loving boys' and talk of marriage). Fortunately, I've been able to expose her to the less glamorous side of life: camping, bug catching, snake watching, dirt digging, worm holding, sand castle building, "peeing in the grass", (and sometimes other things happen in the grass, too), baseball, and hiking BUT if she had her way, she'd choose Glamour all the way.

Her new kindergarten classmates have already made these observations and shared them with me when I volunteered in the classroom:

"Why does Josie always wear skirts? Doesn't she have any shorts?"
"Josie has pretty nails! Why don't you have pretty nails?"
"Josie's favorite color is pink."
"Ohhhh....that's glittery! Josie will like that!"

She picked this flower 'thing' in her hair from the kindergarten Treasure Box this week.

Perhaps Josie's spirit and personality have just developed due to the laws of physics, or maybe there's some Girl Gene that was passed to her through her dad but I marvel at the person she just IS. She's sweet, loving, easy going & compassionate but when it comes to her clothing she is definitely strong willed and very determined. I used to be one of those single & childless teachers that thought to myself, "Geez, I can't believe these parents allow their children to negotiate about clothing." Now that I have Josie, I get it. Josie has mostly hand-me-down clothing (thanks to our generous friends) but she is so determined to wear pinks, purples, & sparkles and dresses & skirts that her wardrobe quickly shrivels to a handful of outfits that she'll tolerate. At five, she doesn't get to choose much about her world but at this point, I figure she's entitled to choose her clothing, as long as it's appropriate for her age and the weather. So basically, it's a battle I choose not to fight.

She's recently learned a new word (and believe me, it's NOT from my vocabulary!): Fashion. She uses it daily in sentences such as,

"I like that pink ribbon. It will look fashion in my hair."

"Look at this sparkly headband. Isn't it so fashion, Mom?"

"Ooooh, if I had those pretty gold shoes, I'd really be fashion."

I hate to break it to her, though she probably already knows the truth in her heart, but her mom does not know "Fashion." And at this stage in my life, I doubt that'll change.

When I registered her for kindergarten at my school last spring, the 6 sweet, smart, lively kindergarten teachers wanted me to choose who would 'get' Josie in their class. I love all of them and did not want to choose, but my final draw was, "The one who is willing to do her hair each morning is the teacher I will select." Lucky for Josie, she has a kind, intelligent, magical AND feminine teacher, Mrs. Rodgers, as a role model. I'm confident that she's learning far more than just 'fashion' with the influence of such a wonderful person.

I'll soon be taking applications for anyone who is willing to move in and coordinate Josie's outfits and hairstyles. This 'Loving Boys' and Fashion stuff is really scaring me.

Proof of a Happy Kindergartener

Josie & Bentley

Stealing Good Luck Hugs from Casey

"I'm ready for my first day!"

Mrs. Rodgers & Josie

Queen for the Day

Ahhhh...Put on the brakes!!

Every year when school is getting ready to begin again after summer vacation I start having those Back to School Dreams. I'm sure you're reading this and nodding your head in complete understanding. You know the dreams...arriving at school without your teeth brushed or wearing inappropriate (or NO) clothing, running in very late to a class full of unsupervised & energetic children, trying valiantly to open the door to the classroom but everything's moving in slow motion and the door handle is completely out of reach. I hate those dreams. I know they really just indicate that I'm not feeling prepared (which is almost always true) but I don't like having my last days of leisure time ruined by those nightmares.

This year I haven't had any of those dreams (yet...school is still 6 sleeps away) but I am having dreams about the dread of Josie starting school. Last night it was a dream where I was chasing Josie down the street, shouting for her to slow down. Josie was on her bike racing at top speeds and I was on foot with rubber legs moving in slow motion. She turned to wave goodbye and flew off the curb onto the busy street but my slow motion feet just couldn't get me to her fast enough. Luckily, in my dream, the traffic all stopped and waited for Josie to cross the street safely. Still, I woke up sweating and feeling stressed, wishing that summer could last a few more weeks. At least. I've also had dreams that she comes home from school and tells me that she's now in 3rd grade and when I tell her, "No, you're still in kindergarten!" she explains that I took too long of a nap and missed 3 years of her life. These dreams truly reflect how I am feeling about watching my daughter grow up.


How do the days, weeks, months and years pass by so quickly?



Josie's so enthusiastic about starting school and is so ready that part of me feels really excited for her. Still, there's another part of me that knows I'll be one of those Emotional Moms that has to be coaxed out of the kindergarten room on that first day. (My guess is that Josie will be telling me, "Go away" as she does so frequently when I overstay my welcome in her Friendship World.) I admire Josie's independence and love the fact that she is social and confident in her ability to make friends. I'm not sure that I was ever that outgoing at her age. I still love the moments where she wants to snuggle and curl up on the couch to read books or grabs all of her art supplies and insists that we color together. Working part time has given me the opportunity to interact with Josie in ways that I would have missed as a full time teacher. I have treasured all of my extra time with her and I'll never regret some of the trade-offs I've made in order work part time while living on a shoestring budget.

I've been reading articles in magazines about Separation Anxiety as school approaches but all of them give advice for helping children handle their anxiety, not for mothers who are experiencing anxiety. Maybe moms reading this will give me some tips and can share stories of personal experiences to help guide me through this new milestone that begins in one week.

At the same time I'm worried about how it will feel to watch Josie begin kindergarten, my close friend from my childhood is getting ready to enter into the Empty Nest World as she watches her youngest daughter head off to college in Boston. As I'm lying in bed after one of my 'Kindergarten's Starting' nightmares I try to imagine how Amy feels as she watches Aly prepare for college. I'm feeling jittery about Josie starting school at the same place where I teach. I'll see her on the playground, can peek in her classroom during my lunch break, she'll be eating a lunch that I'll pack for her, I'll be driving her to/from school and will likely hear Josieisms from her teacher, my colleague. My own Separation Anxiety can't compare to the change that Amy will soon face. Her daughters will both be living in or near Boston---about 800 miles away from 'home'---she won't be packing their lunches, she won't be meeting most of the people that are going to be interacting with her daughters, she won't be able to see them until school holidays, and she has to trust that they're making good choices. I know and love Sam & Aly---I watched them grow up and have always admired the way in which Amy & Todd have raised them to be respectful, independent, and self sufficient.

I can't begin to imagine how Amy feels as she gets ready to begin a new phase as the Mother of College Women.

GULP.

I wish I were in Columbus, being teased by and laughing with Amy & Todd as I worry about Kindergarten, and supporting them as they face these new days of being Empty Nesters. My heart is aching for them as much as it aches for myself. If I could, I'd slam on the brakes and hit reverse.

How did this happen?

Contentment

I recently visited with colleagues at school and was asked how my summer is going. I smiled and said it's been quiet and calm since we didn't make our trek to the midwest to see extended family. In many ways, it feels like summer hasn't 'arrived' because it's been part of our summer routine to spend a couple of weeks traveling around Ohio, Indiana, & Michigan. Due to financial issues I made the choice to stay put in California this summer---first time since moving here 7 years ago. However, we did enjoy our summer in California---day trips to the coast, hikes in Sequoia NP, a camping trip with friends, learning to bowl, enjoying our garden's harvest, playing with friends, leisurely afternoons swimming, playing board games, visits to the library, time to read for pleasure, and a chance to save a little money.

There is something to be said for 'staycations'---they might not meet our expectations for adventure or family reunions, but it definitely gave me a chance to simply relax. So much of life seems to be about hurrying here/there/everywhere that I've come to appreciate those days when Josie says, "What are we gonna do today?" and I can respond with, "Whatever we want."

I've been concerned about friends who are struggling with life choices, moves, relationships, foreclosures and have wanted to help them in some way. I realized today that listening is the most supportive response I can offer. Summer has provided me with the time to simply listen. In the process of listening to others and trying to understand, I'm also learning new things about myself.

Fresno was not a place I 'chose' to live but it's become 'home' for me---not because of the scenery or the cultural activities or the climate---it's become 'home' due to the friends I've made, the 'family' that Josie and I have created, and the routines that make us feel connected to this place.

My life might not be exactly as I would arrange it if I had absolute control but being content is a choice. Our 'staycation' this summer has really helped me realize that I AM content. This has been one of the most relaxing summers I've had in a long time. I still feel sad that I didn't get to spend time with my family (like Josie said when we saw pictures of their 'reunions', "I was supposed to be in those pictures") but we're still having a great summer.

Sometimes our expectations lead us to disappointment when, in reality, we do have control over our own sense of contentment. I didn't lower my expectations, I'm just enjoying what 'IS'. And once again, I'm reminded that Health & Time are the two most valuable things.

Sometimes That Just Happens

Josie and I were driving to Visalia last week to visit our friends, Marilyn & Doug. On the way, I missed a turn and had to make a U-turn. Josie, who enjoys being my back seat driver, asked me, "What's the matter? Why are we going this way?"

When I told her I made a mistake she replied, "That's okay, Mommy. Sometimes that just happens."



I hope she retains that important truth once she starts school.