Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Weddings & Morals & National Day of Writing

I have never heard of National Day of Writing until my neighbor & friend, Kathee, started spreading the word a couple of weeks ago. She was also the person who encouraged me to start a blog a year or so ago to record Josie quips or photos so that our long distance family & friends can keep up with our day-to-day lives. I decided I'd better post something today to honor such a special Day of Writing.

Normally my obsessive thoughts or curious predicaments or Josieisms or my attempts to analyze my choices inspire me to type a post but today my mind is blank. I'm still recovering from a long weekend in Houston to attend my cousin's wedding & to see Josie debut as a flower girl. Perhaps there's a post I can carve from the lessons learned this weekend.

When you're looking forward to an event for over six months, there are bound to be some disappointments along with extreme anxiety. Josie's been talking non-stop about being a flower girl & started counting the sleeps somewhere around 70 Sleeps to Go. We've been taking care of little tasks for the past month to make sure her Costume was ready: fitting at the seamstress to make alterations to the beautiful flower girl dress, a scary trip downtown to Sunnyside Department Store to find ballet slippers, a thorough search for the perfect Flower Girl Up-Do hairstyle, shopping for hair clips to accent the Up-Do, finding plastic jewelry that would be appropriate to wear to a fancy wedding, selecting bling for the reception flip flops, finding an acceptable Rehearsal Dinner outfit, packing our gear to minimize our checked baggage fee, writing sub plans since school days would be missed, struggling through the final 4 sleeps when Josie could hardly contain her excitement and couldn't fall asleep & the final push to the airport. Let me tell you...life is much simpler when I travel alone. (But also less entertaining, I suppose.)

The wedding turned out to be beautiful but the pictures I took did not turn out well, probably due to my shaking hands & my bloodshot tired eyes. Bummer. I think I started snapping photos just to keep my hands off of Josie & my mind focused on something other than her constant whine. Actually, I think some of those whiny moments were somewhat Tantrumish and humiliating. Very humilitating. But, as Diane pointed out on Monday...these will be stories to laugh about someday. Maybe I'll read this a few weeks or months from now & laugh instead of cringe.


Scared Flower Girl Faces as they listened to strict instructions from Sissy, The Wedding Planner from Hell

My lame attempt at styling Josie's hair since she refused to go to her Hair Dresser's Appointment. Anyone who knows me, knows that Hair Styling is a serious Deficit in my Book of Talents.

In retrospect, I know that a fancy Catholic church wedding ceremony in the middle of a downtown city after an 8 hour day of traveling into a different time zone was NOT a good idea for a six year old during a short "long weekend". Josie's extremely social and loves people but her sleep deprivation & disappointment upon finding out that her cousins couldn't join us pushed her over the edge of sanity. I was right there with her & felt like I simply followed her from crisis to crisis all weekend. I was exhausted from all of the diverting & cajoling. I think it was one of my most humiliating experiences as a parent. (Other than that 'pottying in the grass' episode at David & Gudrun's house last year, that is. Although, this is a close 2nd place.)

My sister called yesterday to hear about all of the wedding events & after sharing my stories from my perspective I suggested that she call someone who was there without a 6 year old to find out The Truth. Our $24 small cheese pizza eaten on the sidewalk outside the Magnolia Hotel at 8 O'clock at night because a tantrum forced us to miss the Rehearsal Dinner at the Alley Theater was NOT the highlight of the weekend. I was thinking we'd eat that pizza in our hotel room while watching Monsters Vs Aliens but the buzzing fire alarm that forced an evacuation of the hotel & the booming sirens from the fire engines echoing off of the other skyscrapers just made my head spin & my hands started digging for the Excedrin that was safely tucked into my purse.


Our Friday Night Pizza Entertainment outside the Magnolia Hotel in Houston. My ears are still ringing.

We had looked forward to swimming in the rooftop pool & relaxing in the hot tub but one was too cold & the other scorched our feet so that all we could do was enjoy the blustery wind at 26 stories high. Bribing Josie to walk down the aisle at the wedding turned out okay...she actually completed what she seemed to think was a Death March but only after I promised she could wear her jeans & Old Navy Cupcakes Rock T-shirt to the reception. By then, I was Over It.

Scowling as she waits for dinner to be served at the Reception in her Reward Outfit.

After the too-numerous-to-count tantrums, she ended up dancing the night away at the Reception. Don't you love the outfit? Wonder how many people were saying, "Can't her mother control that girl?"


I had all day Sunday, on our travel day back to Fresno, to determine that I did everything I swore I'd never do as a Parent. I folded under pressure & I'll be spending weeks building back my confidence as a parent. I truly hope that Josie isn't traumatized by my threats & scowls & cursings that were uttered throughout the weekend. The final straw was losing our Boarding Passes in the restroom moments before our scheduled flight. Luckily, Josie's comment brought me back from the edge of insanity when she asked, "Does this mean we'll be living here in this airport for the rest of our lives, Mommy? I hope they have apple juice."

Happy National Day of Writing!!
(I think this is a modern day Fable. Have you figured out the Moral?)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Talents

I've often wished I had some sort of a creative bone in my body. I'm not a scrapbooker, I'm not a stamper, I don't paint, or sew, or have any kind of gift for home decorating, and I'm certainly not a 'fashion girl' as Josie aspires to become. I've tried knitting (thanks, Gudrun!) and want to continue with that since I find it relaxing, but I have an unfinished hat, scarf, & poncho to show for my attempt at developing a creative talent. Any of these talents would probably bring me joy and help me reduce stress in my daily life, but today, I wished I had the talent to work with Irrigation Tools. Actually, every time I have a broken sprinkler, I wish for Irrigation Talent. And, sadly, that happens frequently. Maybe it has to do with my Lawn Mowing & Edging Talent?

I pride myself on being able to do things on my own. According to my parents, I've had that stubborn streak for most of my life. I've always had to 'learn by doing' rather than 'learn from others' mistakes'. In most cases, I've learned a great deal & sometimes suffered a great deal, too. Still, I try to make the best of things & move on, eventually. As a role model for Josie, I notice that I try even harder to show her that women can do anything if we set our minds to it. I don't mind if she witnesses the struggle, especially if she sees the success at the end of the battle. (In many cases, she has also learned some not-so-nice-vocabulary-words but I always apologize afterwards and give her alternative words to use when she's frustrated. So far, she likes "oh, man" but I've heard her use "phooey" a time or two, also.)

Two years ago, our good friends, Marilyn & Doug, gave me a fabulous gift for Christmas: luggage rack bars & a used car top carrier to make our travel & camping trips in a two door car with a carseat & 2 large breed dogs a little less crowded. I LOVE that luggage carrier & someday I'll have to post about all of the great trips it has allowed us to take. (If I had the talent to be a scrapbooker, I would have had some lovely pages of pictures to share from our adventures, but, again, I don't have that talent, so instead you'll have to stay-tuned to my blog.) Long story short, even though Doug offered to help me install them, I spent hours and HOURS trying to put those d#$* racks on the roof of my car. Josie's vocabulary increased ten-fold throughout the day but just as darkness started to impede my ability to curse anymore, I finally figured out how to tighten the latches & Josie & I celebrated loudly! I'll never forget her words, "Someday, when I'm a Mommy like you, I want to put things together, too. Good job!" I still feel badly that she heard my frustration but I'm thrilled that she witnessed my struggle & then helped me hold tools and assisted me as I figured it out on my own. I hope she remembers that lesson more than the vocabulary lesson. Success makes the struggles worthwhile and builds confidence, right?

So, after weeks and weeks of watching patches of my front lawn dry up & die, I finally decided to use today to solve the mystery. With recent temps in the triple digits, I knew I'd need to get an early start, so I set my alarm (on Sunday, a day of rest?) for 6:30 am. I ate a hearty breakfast of Cheerios & sucked down my diet Dr. Pepper caffeine-fix & headed out with my shovel. I had high hopes of fixing the problem, then moving on to house cleaning, followed by grocery shopping. Not a bad To-Do List for a single parent.


Or so I hoped.

The details are ugly so I'll spare you the ramblin---but after digging up 5 holes in very Dry-haven't-seen-rain-since-May-with-triple-digit-temps-and-broken-sprinklers-for-many-weeks Dirt, my hands were blistered & I was reciting (SHOUTING) every single curse word I could remember & tried to make up a few of my own. Digging turned out to be the easy part. Broken risers, broken sprinkler heads, & broken PVC tubing were some of the issues. And out of frustration, there was also that broken shovel & mangled finger that still continues to throb. After six hours of labor and FIVE trips to the Hardware Store for Irrigation Repair 101 Tips from an employee at Cobb's & a sweet elderly woman's instructions at Home Depot, I finally have sprinklers that seem to water most of my lawn. I still don't have much water pressure and some of my Pop-Ups don't pop up but at least the dirt is back in the holes and most of the pvc glue has been picked off of my fingers and hands & I'm pretty sure there are no more rocks in the lines. On Tuesday, when my Automatic Timer goes off, I HOPE to have water coming out of every sprinkler without any more leakage in between. Fortunately, Josie was with her dad all day & didn't add any new words to her mental dictionary. But, I'm definitely going to show her that the sprinklers have water coming out of them when she returns home this week!



I'm not sure if I'll ever develop my talents for creativity or craftiness but since I like to 'live in the moment', my new dream is to acquire Irrigation Talents. I can now view this Tub of Tools with fondness:

(Special Thanks to Bob, for guidance, suggestions, encouragment & humor! Also to Kathee for a delicious Mediterranean Chicken dinner, wine & conversation to help me end the weekend on a positive note. I'm lucky to have such great neighbors & friends & I hope none of them are judging me according to the cursing they heard coming from yard all day.)

Friday, August 28, 2009

Glimpses of Josie Growing Up

Josie's trying hard to grow up faster than I wish.

"I'm too big for princesses, Mom. We should find a little girl that likes princesses & give her all of my stuff." (Then she proceeded to stuff all of her princess clothing, underwear & Princess Paraphernalia into a grocery sack while I stared in bewilderment. I quickly realized that she was cleaning her closet on her own & suddenly didn't feel so sad about this transition.)

"Now that I'm six, I love High School Musical. I'm going to need to go shopping to buy some fashion clothes, okay?" (Now I felt really bewildered...FASHION clothes??? Luckily, she still prefers Target as her favorite place to shop. On my part time teaching salary, that's a HUGE relief.)

Then there was the day I listened as she left this voice message for Grandpa, "Hello Grandpa. This is Josie Wrinkle. When you have time, do you think you could come to my house in California and move my mirror up in my room? It's cutting off my head because I'm in first grade now & I'm really tall." (Grandpa was thrilled to receive such a special invitation & I felt sad, once again, that he lives 2700 miles away.)

The physical changes are somewhat obvious: She lost a top front tooth on the first day of first grade & a week later she lost the other front tooth. She's a perfect Halloween Jack-0-lantern & loves to show off that gappy smile.

She's THRILLED and counting the "sleeps" until Erin's wedding in October because she's going to be the Flower Girl! Just as I predicted in Courage is a Process , Josie is braver now that she's six. It definitely helped to see a photo of the dress she would wear, "Oh, Mom! I'll be beautiful! I really, really, really want to be a flower girl!"


She was speechless and grinning from ear to ear the day the dress arrived & I let her try it on. I had to beg her to stop spinning so I could snap a few photos to send to Erin. (Considering the dress is supposed to be Tea Length, our next step is to find a reasonably priced Seamstress but I can already imagine that toothless grin as she walks down the aisle.)

Just this week she came home and proudly shared her Friday Test scores with me. She gently rubbed her fingers over the old-fashioned foil stars that Mrs. Rail had put next to her 100% scores on her Sight Word Test, Spelling Test & Dictation Sentence. She picked up the packet and put her face next to the stars and whispered, "Ohhhhh...I can't wait for Friday. We get to take tests again, Mommy. First grade is the best!"


Sadly, we've also witnessed that horrible Self Image Challenge that many girls seem to go through. I just didn't realize that it would start so young. "Mom, my legs look too fat. I need to do more exercises to make me look skinny." Or "I don't smile at the bugaboos (her reference to the boys she likes to chase at recess) because they will think I look silly without my teeth."

I know we have our work cut out for us this year as she emerges as a reader & writer but it's her self image that will worry me the most. I can't protect her from all of the hurts she'll experience but I hope to arm her with enough confidence to face the perceived & real judgements she will face as she continues to develop relationships with her peers.

I am so grateful to our friends & my colleagues at school for always keeping a special eye out for Josie & for convincing her that she's appreciated & loved by so many. She feels so at home & confident when she's at school---what a lucky girl to have such a strong start in school!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Can't Resist Those Josieisms

"It's really hard to be six, Mom. I just can't keep my angries in all the time. It makes my belly hurt really bad so I have to scream sometimes. I'm sorry."



"My hair is too hot. I can have Princess hair when it's winter. Let's cut it off so I don't have to be so sweaty."



"I think I look just like Mrs. McClelland now. I love being so beautiful!"

"When I'm seven, can I wear Fashion shoes every day?"


"I'm going to be just like Curious George now that I have a trophy."



"I can't wait to go see my cousins! In 36 sleeps I'll be really spoiled. But I'll still talk nice to you, Mom, and I'll probably still snuggle you."




"I already ate dinner. I had a cucumber slice & a celery & 'nem an ems for dessert. Don't go cookin' anything for me."



"I've had too much sleep so quit telling me I'm tired. My brain is so full of sleep that it's blank!"


Sidenote: Josie's mom thinks that Six is going to be a very interesting year.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Treasures From My Life With a Six Year Old

"I am 6."

"While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about."

~Angela Schwindt


Monday, May 18, 2009

Stellaluna


Tomorrow is Josie's official 6th birthday and the excitement surrounding this day has been mounting & growing for many "sleeps". This year was the first time she's expressed such anticipation and started planning her party months ago. After debating our budget, Ray & I finally decided to have it at a local Bounce U facility so she could invite as many friends as she wanted & we could avoid a mess at either of our houses. The kids had a great time bouncing & chasing and the adults could simply visit, chat or join in on the fun.

Turning six is a very big deal to Josie. She told me this afternoon that she'll be a lot taller tomorrow & she insisted that she weigh & measure herself so that she could prove that turning six would indeed result in some physical changes.

I mentioned to Josie this morning that six years ago today I was in the hospital trying very hard to help her be born. She could care less about those details (so I spared her) but she did have one important and pressing question, "Why didn't you name me Stellaluna? I really think I would be a good Stellaluna. From now on, you can just call me Stellaluna and I'll let my friends keep calling me Josie, okay? I just think that'll work better."

Happy Birthday, Stellaluna! You are the prize in my life and I'm thrilled to be your mom! The 31 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing & eventual C-Section was all worth it. Those words, "It's a girl!" that your dad shouted have forever changed my life in the most amazing ways possible. I'm still in awe of your girliness & your independence and I'm sure we'll be having our battles ahead as you change into Stellaluna but this journey is more magical than I could have imagined.



Sunday, February 22, 2009

Courage is a Process



Josie is such a happy-go-lucky, friendly little soul. She seems to make friends easily and doesn't usually demonstrate apprehension with new experiences. I've learned through her questioning ("What will it look like, mom?" "Who will be there?" "Is it like ______?" "Will it be loud?" "Have you ever tried it?" "Did I ever do that when I was a little girl?" "Will there be shots?" "Will I sit in a chair that moves?" "Will the dentist be a girl or a boy?") that she likes to feel prepared for new things so I always try to help her by 'setting the stage'. Since she's so social, she'll usually take off and join in instead of clinging to my leg or acting shy. I'm always proud and amazed by how easily she seems to work through new experiences.

She took tennis lessons after school in the fall and on the first day I walked her out to where a small crowd was forming on the school playground and she quickly ran to the line and started talking to the other kids in the group, "Hi! My name is Josie. Do you want to be my friend?" There was a "big" first grade girl standing to the side, crying, and Josie noticed her immediately. She went over to her, put her arm around her shoulder and said, "Come with me. We're going to play tennis and we'll use racquets & balls & the coaches will help us." (Those were all things I had shared with her that morning, so I know she soaked it all in.) I was so proud of how easily she stepped in to help the scared first grader---clearly she's hit that developmental phase of being able to show empathy.

Knowing that Josie is all about Girl Things, and that dresses and fancy shoes bring on smiles, not to mention that her favorite dress up outfit for over 2 years was a Bride's costume that the washing machine refused to shred, I thought she'd be 'over the moon' when I told her that Erin (my cousin & Goddaughter) would like her to be the Flower Girl at her wedding in October. Without hesitation she burst into tears and said, "NO. I will not be going to any wedding. I won't do it. I won't be doing any kissing and I won't wear a pretty dress and I'm not going to be a Flower Girl." I realized at that moment that we've never been to a wedding that had a flower girl so I tried to back-pedal and start over. I tried to describe what a Flower Girl does, how a Flower Girl dresses, and reassured her that there would be NO kissing of Flower Girls. "You'll be a big girl by then...6 1/2 and you won't be afraid by then." This didn't help. "I will always be afraid to be in a wedding. I just don't like weddings. I like to dance but that doesn't mean I like weddings. The dresses are pretty. But I don't want to see kissing. Weddings are scary, Mommy." (Believe me, I could have lectured on the topic of Scary Marriages but we'll save that for another developmental phase.)

Since it IS the age of technology, I decided to find some youtube videos so I could show her what a Flower Girl looks like/does. She hid her eyes and cried and refused to look at the screen. I then pulled out some old photos of myself from when I was a little Flower Girl in Erin's parents' wedding when I was 4 years old. This only made her cry harder because I had a pixie haircut and I looked like a little boy wearing a pink dress (and, if you remember from an earlier post, she's so relieved that I might soon be a girl so the photo probably made her think I'd regress with my hair growing accomplishment--or maybe she thought we'd have to give her a Pixie-do, too?).

I decided to change the subject and let it go.

This morning as we were eating breakfast and playing a game of Parcheesi Josie reminded me, "I'm not going to be a Flower Girl and no one can make me. I just don't like weddings and I don't like kissing. I like boys but I'm not kissing them." I decided to focus on the Parcheesi game and quickly rolled doubles and let out a loud cheer. Afterall, the wedding isn't until October and we have some time to work this through.

The photo of me looking like a boy in the pink Flower Girl dress was still on the counter and I noticed she was looking at it while I was getting dinner ready tonight. I didn't comment and she tucked it under a pile of stuff, thinking I hadn't noticed. It wasn't until bedtime that she brought up the subject on her own. "Mama, I've been using my magination all day. I can see me wearing a pink dress or maybe a red one and it has one of those pretty bows & my hair would look really pretty, too. I think I might like to carry a basket with flowers. I'll keep magining it and see how it feels tomorrow. I think when I'm 6 I'll be brave about being a flower girl."

That's a lot of progress in one day, don't you think? I feel so lucky that I have a daughter who is so verbal and so thoughtful...she can say what's on her mind in pretty clear terms for her age. I'm also impressed by the process she uses to build up her own confidence. She may change her mind again tomorrow but I'm hoping she embraces the idea and wants to try something new. I'd never force her to be a Flower Girl if she doesn't feel comfortable but I don't want her to miss out on adventures because of fear.

I learn so much from Josie...from her wisdom, her innocence, her simple delight in life. I hope I'm prepared to parent her through each stage of her life because I recognize that it's only going to become more complicated as she continues to grow into her amazingly strong personality.


(Now...since the wedding is in Houston & I'm being pink slipped for a portion of my job next year, I'm hoping some of you will have some fund-raising ideas for me. I don't think our garden produces enough for me to sell our wares at the Farmer's Market but I'm open to ideas!!)

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Recent Josieisms

I've been neglecting my blog lately...mostly due to the fact that I just haven't felt like thinking or writing. I'm finally beginning to feel a bit better & I have a couple of days to myself with no houseguests and no schedule to follow. After having houseguests for 29 nights in a row, I'm feeling a huge sense of relief to know that I have a few days to simply BE in my own space.

Josie's been my source of comfort over these past few weeks and has entertained me with her typical Josieisms. Thought I'd jot a few down to share.

"I think I'm going to have to have to marry Ethan, Mommy. He called me a Foxy Mama."


"I had a dream that I was all growed up into a mom and then I didn't cry anymore when you clipped my nails."


"I really, really want to play with my friends on the playground. That's two 'reallys' so that's a lot of wanting."


"Last weekend, when I was a baby, I loved it when you sang to me. Now it makes me laugh."


"I love Mrs. Grewal. I hope she has a Mr. Grewal."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a princess in my house but outside I'll be a dentist."




"Your hair is getting longer and longer. I think you might be a girl soon, Mommy."

"When I'm at my daddy's new house I feel excited. But when I'm not there, I don't really care about it."

"Roman hurt my feelings when he told me he's going to take my brains. He can't really take my brains, can he?"

While watching the inauguration, I was naming all of the previous presidents as they walked out of the Capitol Building. She was watching intently and then asked, "Hmph! All those presidents are boys. Why don't we have any girl presidents?" I suggested that she could be our first girl president when she's grown up. She replied, "That's just too long to wait for a girl president, Mommy."

"Kris Kringle loves me because she knows I love her. That's how it works. Animals just know if you love them."






Saturday, January 3, 2009

New Year Goals

Friends have been calling and checking in for the holidays and several have asked me if I have any New Year's Resolutions. That's almost the same as expecting me to give something up for Lent. I was raised Catholic and have spent the last couple of decades trying to decide what I believe about spirituality and religious affiliations, and consider myself to be a Recovering Catholic. (I don't think we ever really 'recover', though. Once a person is raised with guilt, I think it becomes part of the genetic make-up and can't be surgically removed.)So, in order to try to eliminate the need to feel any more guilt than I already have ingrained in my being, I don't have any New Year's Resolutions & I won't be giving anything up for Lent.

However, old habits die hard & I do seem to think about goal-setting. I definitely want to improve some of my behaviors over the next year.




Here are my Top Ten Goals for 2009:


10. Clean up the 'office' at my house...it's a disaster and stresses me out just looking at the stuff piled in here.

9. Brush my dogs reularly to help our house feel less furry.

8. Nail a full time teaching position to help my financial situation.

7. Pay off the credit cards and create a savings account for emergencies.

6. Find a comfortable pair of jeans.

5. Paint the molding.

4. Improve my vegetable gardening skills & have enough produce to share generously.

3. Schedule that nagging repeat colonoscopy & quit whining about it.

2. Tell my family and friends how much I appreciate them & need them.

1. Continue to play games, read books, and make Josie my priority every day.