Treasures From My Life With a Six Year Old

"I am 6."

"While we try to teach our children all about life,

Our children teach us what life is all about."

~Angela Schwindt

Stellaluna

Tomorrow is Josie's official 6th birthday and the excitement surrounding this day has been mounting & growing for many "sleeps". This year was the first time she's expressed such anticipation and started planning her party months ago. After debating our budget, Ray & I finally decided to have it at a local Bounce U facility so she could invite as many friends as she wanted & we could avoid a mess at either of our houses. The kids had a great time bouncing & chasing and the adults could simply visit, chat or join in on the fun.

Turning six is a very big deal to Josie. She told me this afternoon that she'll be a lot taller tomorrow & she insisted that she weigh & measure herself so that she could prove that turning six would indeed result in some physical changes.

I mentioned to Josie this morning that six years ago today I was in the hospital trying very hard to help her be born. She could care less about those details (so I spared her) but she did have one important and pressing question, "Why didn't you name me Stellaluna? I really think I would be a good Stellaluna. From now on, you can just call me Stellaluna and I'll let my friends keep calling me Josie, okay? I just think that'll work better."

Happy Birthday, Stellaluna! You are the prize in my life and I'm thrilled to be your mom! The 31 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing & eventual C-Section was all worth it. Those words, "It's a girl!" that your dad shouted have forever changed my life in the most amazing ways possible. I'm still in awe of your girliness & your independence and I'm sure we'll be having our battles ahead as you change into Stellaluna but this journey is more magical than I could have imagined.

Courage is a Process

Josie is such a happy-go-lucky, friendly little soul. She seems to make friends easily and doesn't usually demonstrate apprehension with new experiences. I've learned through her questioning ("What will it look like, mom?" "Who will be there?" "Is it like ______?" "Will it be loud?" "Have you ever tried it?" "Did I ever do that when I was a little girl?" "Will there be shots?" "Will I sit in a chair that moves?" "Will the dentist be a girl or a boy?") that she likes to feel prepared for new things so I always try to help her by 'setting the stage'. Since she's so social, she'll usually take off and join in instead of clinging to my leg or acting shy. I'm always proud and amazed by how easily she seems to work through new experiences.

She took tennis lessons after school in the fall and on the first day I walked her out to where a small crowd was forming on the school playground and she quickly ran to the line and started talking to the other kids in the group, "Hi! My name is Josie. Do you want to be my friend?" There was a "big" first grade girl standing to the side, crying, and Josie noticed her immediately. She went over to her, put her arm around her shoulder and said, "Come with me. We're going to play tennis and we'll use racquets & balls & the coaches will help us." (Those were all things I had shared with her that morning, so I know she soaked it all in.) I was so proud of how easily she stepped in to help the scared first grader---clearly she's hit that developmental phase of being able to show empathy.

Knowing that Josie is all about Girl Things, and that dresses and fancy shoes bring on smiles, not to mention that her favorite dress up outfit for over 2 years was a Bride's costume that the washing machine refused to shred, I thought she'd be 'over the moon' when I told her that Erin (my cousin & Goddaughter) would like her to be the Flower Girl at her wedding in October. Without hesitation she burst into tears and said, "NO. I will not be going to any wedding. I won't do it. I won't be doing any kissing and I won't wear a pretty dress and I'm not going to be a Flower Girl." I realized at that moment that we've never been to a wedding that had a flower girl so I tried to back-pedal and start over. I tried to describe what a Flower Girl does, how a Flower Girl dresses, and reassured her that there would be NO kissing of Flower Girls. "You'll be a big girl by then...6 1/2 and you won't be afraid by then." This didn't help. "I will always be afraid to be in a wedding. I just don't like weddings. I like to dance but that doesn't mean I like weddings. The dresses are pretty. But I don't want to see kissing. Weddings are scary, Mommy." (Believe me, I could have lectured on the topic of Scary Marriages but we'll save that for another developmental phase.)

Since it IS the age of technology, I decided to find some youtube videos so I could show her what a Flower Girl looks like/does. She hid her eyes and cried and refused to look at the screen. I then pulled out some old photos of myself from when I was a little Flower Girl in Erin's parents' wedding when I was 4 years old. This only made her cry harder because I had a pixie haircut and I looked like a little boy wearing a pink dress (and, if you remember from an earlier post, she's so relieved that I might soon be a girl so the photo probably made her think I'd regress with my hair growing accomplishment--or maybe she thought we'd have to give her a Pixie-do, too?).

I decided to change the subject and let it go.

This morning as we were eating breakfast and playing a game of Parcheesi Josie reminded me, "I'm not going to be a Flower Girl and no one can make me. I just don't like weddings and I don't like kissing. I like boys but I'm not kissing them." I decided to focus on the Parcheesi game and quickly rolled doubles and let out a loud cheer. Afterall, the wedding isn't until October and we have some time to work this through.

The photo of me looking like a boy in the pink Flower Girl dress was still on the counter and I noticed she was looking at it while I was getting dinner ready tonight. I didn't comment and she tucked it under a pile of stuff, thinking I hadn't noticed. It wasn't until bedtime that she brought up the subject on her own. "Mama, I've been using my magination all day. I can see me wearing a pink dress or maybe a red one and it has one of those pretty bows & my hair would look really pretty, too. I think I might like to carry a basket with flowers. I'll keep magining it and see how it feels tomorrow. I think when I'm 6 I'll be brave about being a flower girl."

That's a lot of progress in one day, don't you think? I feel so lucky that I have a daughter who is so verbal and so thoughtful...she can say what's on her mind in pretty clear terms for her age. I'm also impressed by the process she uses to build up her own confidence. She may change her mind again tomorrow but I'm hoping she embraces the idea and wants to try something new. I'd never force her to be a Flower Girl if she doesn't feel comfortable but I don't want her to miss out on adventures because of fear.

I learn so much from Josie...from her wisdom, her innocence, her simple delight in life. I hope I'm prepared to parent her through each stage of her life because I recognize that it's only going to become more complicated as she continues to grow into her amazingly strong personality.


(Now...since the wedding is in Houston & I'm being pink slipped for a portion of my job next year, I'm hoping some of you will have some fund-raising ideas for me. I don't think our garden produces enough for me to sell our wares at the Farmer's Market but I'm open to ideas!!)

Recent Josieisms

I've been neglecting my blog lately...mostly due to the fact that I just haven't felt like thinking or writing. I'm finally beginning to feel a bit better & I have a couple of days to myself with no houseguests and no schedule to follow. After having houseguests for 29 nights in a row, I'm feeling a huge sense of relief to know that I have a few days to simply BE in my own space.

Josie's been my source of comfort over these past few weeks and has entertained me with her typical Josieisms. Thought I'd jot a few down to share.

"I think I'm going to have to have to marry Ethan, Mommy. He called me a Foxy Mama."

"I had a dream that I was all growed up into a mom and then I didn't cry anymore when you clipped my nails."

"I really, really want to play with my friends on the playground. That's two 'reallys' so that's a lot of wanting."

"Last weekend, when I was a baby, I loved it when you sang to me. Now it makes me laugh."

"I love Mrs. Grewal. I hope she has a Mr. Grewal."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a princess in my house but outside I'll be a dentist."

"Your hair is getting longer and longer. I think you might be a girl soon, Mommy."

"When I'm at my daddy's new house I feel excited. But when I'm not there, I don't really care about it."

"Roman hurt my feelings when he told me he's going to take my brains. He can't really take my brains, can he?"

While watching the inauguration, I was naming all of the previous presidents as they walked out of the Capitol Building. She was watching intently and then asked, "Hmph! All those presidents are boys. Why don't we have any girl presidents?" I suggested that she could be our first girl president when she's grown up. She replied, "That's just too long to wait for a girl president, Mommy."

"Kris Kringle loves me because she knows I love her. That's how it works. Animals just know if you love them."

New Year Goals

Friends have been calling and checking in for the holidays and several have asked me if I have any New Year's Resolutions. That's almost the same as expecting me to give something up for Lent. I was raised Catholic and have spent the last couple of decades trying to decide what I believe about spirituality and religious affiliations, and consider myself to be a Recovering Catholic. (I don't think we ever really 'recover', though. Once a person is raised with guilt, I think it becomes part of the genetic make-up and can't be surgically removed.)So, in order to try to eliminate the need to feel any more guilt than I already have ingrained in my being, I don't have any New Year's Resolutions & I won't be giving anything up for Lent.

However, old habits die hard & I do seem to think about goal-setting. I definitely want to improve some of my behaviors over the next year.

Here are my Top Ten Goals for 2009:

10. Clean up the 'office' at my house...it's a disaster and stresses me out just looking at the stuff piled in here.

9. Brush my dogs reularly to help our house feel less furry.

8. Nail a full time teaching position to help my financial situation.

7. Pay off the credit cards and create a savings account for emergencies.

6. Find a comfortable pair of jeans.

5. Paint the molding.

4. Improve my vegetable gardening skills & have enough produce to share generously.

3. Schedule that nagging repeat colonoscopy & quit whining about it.

2. Tell my family and friends how much I appreciate them & need them.

1. Continue to play games, read books, and make Josie my priority every day.