Ahhhh...Put on the brakes!!

Every year when school is getting ready to begin again after summer vacation I start having those Back to School Dreams. I'm sure you're reading this and nodding your head in complete understanding. You know the dreams...arriving at school without your teeth brushed or wearing inappropriate (or NO) clothing, running in very late to a class full of unsupervised & energetic children, trying valiantly to open the door to the classroom but everything's moving in slow motion and the door handle is completely out of reach. I hate those dreams. I know they really just indicate that I'm not feeling prepared (which is almost always true) but I don't like having my last days of leisure time ruined by those nightmares.

This year I haven't had any of those dreams (yet...school is still 6 sleeps away) but I am having dreams about the dread of Josie starting school. Last night it was a dream where I was chasing Josie down the street, shouting for her to slow down. Josie was on her bike racing at top speeds and I was on foot with rubber legs moving in slow motion. She turned to wave goodbye and flew off the curb onto the busy street but my slow motion feet just couldn't get me to her fast enough. Luckily, in my dream, the traffic all stopped and waited for Josie to cross the street safely. Still, I woke up sweating and feeling stressed, wishing that summer could last a few more weeks. At least. I've also had dreams that she comes home from school and tells me that she's now in 3rd grade and when I tell her, "No, you're still in kindergarten!" she explains that I took too long of a nap and missed 3 years of her life. These dreams truly reflect how I am feeling about watching my daughter grow up.


How do the days, weeks, months and years pass by so quickly?



Josie's so enthusiastic about starting school and is so ready that part of me feels really excited for her. Still, there's another part of me that knows I'll be one of those Emotional Moms that has to be coaxed out of the kindergarten room on that first day. (My guess is that Josie will be telling me, "Go away" as she does so frequently when I overstay my welcome in her Friendship World.) I admire Josie's independence and love the fact that she is social and confident in her ability to make friends. I'm not sure that I was ever that outgoing at her age. I still love the moments where she wants to snuggle and curl up on the couch to read books or grabs all of her art supplies and insists that we color together. Working part time has given me the opportunity to interact with Josie in ways that I would have missed as a full time teacher. I have treasured all of my extra time with her and I'll never regret some of the trade-offs I've made in order work part time while living on a shoestring budget.

I've been reading articles in magazines about Separation Anxiety as school approaches but all of them give advice for helping children handle their anxiety, not for mothers who are experiencing anxiety. Maybe moms reading this will give me some tips and can share stories of personal experiences to help guide me through this new milestone that begins in one week.

At the same time I'm worried about how it will feel to watch Josie begin kindergarten, my close friend from my childhood is getting ready to enter into the Empty Nest World as she watches her youngest daughter head off to college in Boston. As I'm lying in bed after one of my 'Kindergarten's Starting' nightmares I try to imagine how Amy feels as she watches Aly prepare for college. I'm feeling jittery about Josie starting school at the same place where I teach. I'll see her on the playground, can peek in her classroom during my lunch break, she'll be eating a lunch that I'll pack for her, I'll be driving her to/from school and will likely hear Josieisms from her teacher, my colleague. My own Separation Anxiety can't compare to the change that Amy will soon face. Her daughters will both be living in or near Boston---about 800 miles away from 'home'---she won't be packing their lunches, she won't be meeting most of the people that are going to be interacting with her daughters, she won't be able to see them until school holidays, and she has to trust that they're making good choices. I know and love Sam & Aly---I watched them grow up and have always admired the way in which Amy & Todd have raised them to be respectful, independent, and self sufficient.

I can't begin to imagine how Amy feels as she gets ready to begin a new phase as the Mother of College Women.

GULP.

I wish I were in Columbus, being teased by and laughing with Amy & Todd as I worry about Kindergarten, and supporting them as they face these new days of being Empty Nesters. My heart is aching for them as much as it aches for myself. If I could, I'd slam on the brakes and hit reverse.

How did this happen?